Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
