Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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