omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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