Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
