She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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