Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
