Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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