he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
