You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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