Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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