just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
