so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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