so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
