he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
