Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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