Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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