mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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