when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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