Christians are straight up FREAKS
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
