they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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