the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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