you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
