after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
