First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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