im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like, not good at living.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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