Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize