just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i drank out of a bidet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
