i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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