Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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