i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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