is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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