So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
