I can feel you judging me through the phone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
