Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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