Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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