Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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