We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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