I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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