I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think my fart just growled at me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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