I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize