i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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