so that wasnt chicken after all
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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