I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
