You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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