I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
