OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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