i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
