I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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