I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
