Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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