I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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