i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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