dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
