i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
