I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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