So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
