I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
