oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
