Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
