Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
