I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
