all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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