I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
