PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
