We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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